her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
