So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
