The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
