Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
