Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
