Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Someone came in the potted fern
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
