oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
