So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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