I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
