I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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