I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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