i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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