I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
