My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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