I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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