you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize