Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
