I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
