I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
