toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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