Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
