you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
