You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
