why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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