In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
