i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
