Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize