Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
