Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
