Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
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Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You made out with two different species that night
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
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Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize