Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
