I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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