i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Let's get the cat blown out
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
