Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
