booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
