Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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