Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
