dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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