I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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