Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
