I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think my vagina is haunted
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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