Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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