I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
