just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
