my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize