Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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