so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
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He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
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You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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