she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
