yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
