you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
