can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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