This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
