The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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