Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
