I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
They took my balls.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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