Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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