Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
