The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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