i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
