I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
