you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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