I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
MIDGETS
????
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
