did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
