Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
