neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
