Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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