I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
