dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize