you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
