can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
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I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
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I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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