I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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